It could be a good idea to look back on what I wrote on 9 July last year - the day before I (first) left for Perth.
http://cheow.blogspot.com/2004/07/all-my-bags-are-packed-im-ready-to-go.html
Then, I wrote:
If you ask me how I feel now... *gee* I don't feel anything at all.. =X Feels like just another ordinary overseas trip for me.
Right now, I still feel that tomorrow's flight is another ordinary flight, somewhat like a holiday. Obviously, if you were to compare tmrw and then, the former is more "ordinary". It's not hard to see why. People seek comfort in the known and familiar territory. I'm no stranger to Perth now - there're the group of friends that I've learnt to trust. And it feels good knowing that I won't have to step into a first lecture, and desperately wondering if anyone from the orientation group is taking that unit as well. Very much unlike last year, when I went without actually having a roof over my head yet.
But I do feel something though, and that's where the difference sinks in from last year. I feel that I've not achieved enough, not done enough things that I could be proud of, not went up there yet. The constant feeling of not being able to hold my ground against my closer friends - however imagined or real that might be. I kind of dwelled on it at great length with a few ppl... came up with some really wacky / crazy ideas to pacify my conscience. Heard too many things from both sides, both which sounded convincing enough.
Last semester's results should (and I use the word should, cos' there isn't a big sample size to compare with) be quite credible, but certainly not something that I could crow about. Ok, I could claim some bragging rights to the 91% i bagged for Anthropology 102, but that's about it. The rest were a string of 78% (for Political Science 102, and European Studies 102), and a 79% (for History 152). So close to the 80% needed for a HD grade, but so far as well. A 78 / 79% result clearly shows that one is of high distinction stuff, but certainly not quite at High Distinction yet. So I think it's quite clear what I'm gunning down for this semester. heh.
Results aside, there is so much more to life as well. And I think I've done myself a great injustice as far as anything beyond studies are concerned. Not exploring my options throughly, not joining any CCA of some sort yet (which is somewhat a product of having started in Semester 2 where the buzz is not that big, or rather, not big), still too quiet, too unapproachable, too unfriendly and the likes. I heard there's a Marxist club on campus. But no, that's not what I'm thinking about really.
What's happening tmrw? My uncle and auntie will fetch us at about 5.15am.. and I think I'll be at the airport at around 6.45am to 7am... sadly, my best guy friends can't make it to the airport cos they wouldn't have booked out by then. Girl friends? We'll see.
The last time, mabz turned up. This time, she can't make it to T1 cos' of some emceeing duties that she has to do with regards to her YEP project. Feel a tinge of "aiyah"... but hey, you appeared the first time. And I remember that. =)
jw and val should appear tmrw... not too sure about d though - the last time, he said that some relatives might come over or sth. Looking forward to see you guys later. We could go over to T2 or sth.. the food's nicer there I think. I promise we will not go to swensen's. no. =P
It's gonna be a packed day later.. cos' my grandmother promised me even before I came back last December that she wanted to buy me a meal. And that hasn't been done yet - for reasons that are beyond anyone's control, e.g. she having admitted to SGH cos of the fall she had (she's ok now) + she staying in that person's place in simei during the CNY period (so I avoid that place totally). I don't intend to give her the impression that I'm too busy for her. So by hook or by crook later, we'll pick her up from simei and go for lunch.
I remembered noting down a whole list of friends / people the last time round. And I guess, absence, in many ways, makes the heart grow NOT fonder. I kind of regret it, but I make no apologies for it.
That sounded a bit too cruel... but, I think, and I've mentioned it somewhere before, the older you get, the more you find that the number of friends (and I'm talking about friends) tend to somewhat dwindle. Till the point you're just left with those few, quite few. And then one day, it more or less narrows down to just one. Depending on whether that one is a guy or a girl, it could be THE one. The rest could probably be bridemaids, best men, etc etc. That sounds a bit nonsensical haha.
It then follows that:
1) That theory, under optimum conditions, should only apply for heterosexuals. I don't wish to imagine the dwinding thingy trickling down to a guy. haha.
2) Obviously, I don't quite believe in love at first sight.
I looked closer at my theory for about 5 minutes or so. And on second thoughts, it looks a 'lil bit idealistic. It directly challenges my other belief that guys make the first move, and not, let's see who are the two last standing. But who cares anyway - the world that I live in is pretty imagined in any case.
Ok. Enough about love and the likes. I'll just watch my brother and learn from him.
I still believe in the Lord. But I'm never quite sure what He means to me, really. Sometimes, the unhappy unexpected things happen, I feel challenged (not vertically, neither horizontally) and drained, and yeah, I ask a lot of questions to myself. Too much. But I've also said that faith is what keeps us going, especially when it's murky ahead. And add a little bit of grace to that.
Sidetrack a bit... met up with mabz on friday night. Went to J8. And geez. It's changed totally. Well, if you see a CHS guy wearing his uniform with a yellow name tag (which is my batch's colour then), that's pretty similar. Just that the thing that has changed is my age. *bleah*
And now that RJC is in Bishan, *wow*
wow.
I forgot to add that I thought the earrings looked very fashionable.
The next day (Saturday), I met up with val at clementi. Got driven around, which really feels quite flattering really. I was really happy that I did wake up early to meet you, cos...
You said something that made my day. Or rather, you said something that made me feel, that at least, I know I am not taken for granted.
I had a second look at NUS. From a totally different perspective. I'm not talking about the lone pretty girl that I saw in the very empty Arts canteen just now =P.
You know, I was really impressed when we were in the Central Library...
At the Arts canteen, I could imagine what it looked like on a Monday morning.
I didn't fail to notice the sign that was screaming "2.5 cents A4 photocopying" either.
There was something that you said, that I can't really remember now... that made my mind work much faster there and then.
And I got driven back to Bishan MRT where I met Clarence. If I have to go to Sim Lim Square, I have to drag him along. He just knows so much about the stuff there... went there to buy a thumb drive. I'm staring at it in awe now.
Are you enjoying your M-18 show right now? Ahh... the freedom that comes along with age. =)
So I guess, that's about it. I'll go to church later in the morning to attend church service. And I will be nice to everyone I see, and not try to compare the preacher to the previous week's preacher, which I always do when I'm squirming in my seat.
I shan't be judgmental.
I could imagine when all the dust has settled tomorrow, I'll be sitting down on my bed in Perth, and go... "I'm back", and let reality slowly sink in, however pleasant or unpleasant that may be.
And oh, the Jester's Pie for Monday breakfast. Only the Morning Glory pie, full of bacon and eggs.
Anyone watched American Idol on Thursday night? http://lyrics.dct.sk/index.php/80956
The game will never be over, because we're keeping the dream alive.
See you during late June or early July. =)