Happy New Year 2005 =)
Wanted to blog yesterday, but didn't feel like in the mood to do anything. Maybe it's because of the tragedy that has befallen humanity in the wake of the tsunami disaster. However, much as I feel really appreciative that I'm still alive today, I mean, if you think about it, it could have been anyone who was at Phuket last Christmas, me included, I feel that somehow, there is this pervasive atmosphere of being held hostage . There's this pressure to conform, a kind of emotional terrorism. Not that it is the "wrong" thing to feel solemn and sombre, but to the expense that celebrations all over SE Asia was toned down to such a significant extent? This really reminds me of the time when Diana passed away in August 1997. It's like look the flowers strewn all over London.. i was reading some commentator who said that it was some kind of "floral fascism". Mourning then becomes somewhat irrational. The thing is that, life still goes on no matter what. Even though it's a disaster of such magnitude, I'm sure that there will always be those who will be indifferent to the plight of the victims. But who will even dare to write some satire about the disaster at this very moment? He/she'll probably be persecuted or sth immediately. Because the overwhelming proportion of media dictates that this is the national mood, to the extent it becomes hostile, intolerant to any other type of sentiments.
I know what I said sounded somewhat unfeeling, but I guess it's more of ambivalence that I'm really feeling right now. Not that I'm going to stand around and do nothing to contribute to the aid efforts over here in JB, but I think, on a personal level, I've got lots to look forward to in 2005. The previous year was such a tumultous year for me that I'm so relieved to say bye to it. 2005 for me should be a much more stable and settled year, where there shouldn't be any hugely unexpected changes in my life.
val asked "would u marry a poly grad when u're a uni grad?" I think, the most important thing is chemistry. It's like, just like the best things in life are free, the most beautiful things in love, in friendships are usually unspoken. Jokes are funny because the receiving party instantly catches the butt of it, not when the teller has to painstakingly explain to the other one what's so haha about the joke.
I've been back for about half a month now. And I'm quite aware that time is really moving so fast when I'm back. Soon, I'd be flying back to perth (expected date - 20 something february) and the next time I'd probably be back is in july... or december. it depends on a lot of things actually. depends on whether I want to take time off to travel. depends on how homesick, how friendsick I feel by the time june 05 comes.
I normally don't want to bring up unhappy stuff... so I'll just write about the good things of 2004.
1. International School of Johor. Taught, slogged there from Jan 04 to June 04. Really learnt a lot there... in a sense, it made me less enthusiastic about teaching, given the spoilt brats there. Of course, there were some nice students, but I think the majority were quite unbecoming. For the first time, adults became equals, not as my teachers or mentors or whatever. And it was hard of course, especially dealing with the secondary coordinator, Ms H ... who kept on looking down (literally) on me - and she probably instigated her children to do the same too. But then, there was also Ms Bruno who gave me free French lessons (and that's why I'm continuing to learn it in perth. Je m'appelle will, je suis etudiant, je parle bien anglais, chinois, et peu francais. Je suis celibataire! :x) haha. anyway. You find that textbooks really communicate to you the type of prevailing "national" culture that a country has, that different countries have differing standards of what is "acceptable" or otherwise.
For example, I read this in a French textbook:
"Je ne suis pas marie. J'ai trois enfant."
(which well, means - I'm not married. I have three children).
Probably won't find that in an Asian textbook. heh. In the same vein, our primary textbooks always had Ali, Sam, Gopal and whatever have you not.
Another colleague that I really got along well with is Jenny Harris. Although she is no longer with the school and back in her native Sydney, we still keep in contact with each other through e-mail. Hopefully Sydney is one of the places I'll get to visit in 2005, since she has found a new job in an performing arts school down there =) As for myself, I'll make a visit to the school sometime next week to see if they'll let me moonlight for a month or so. heh. I'm sure I can land myself a job, given that so many teachers have resigned.
2. university of western australia. somehow, I didn't really quite know why I chose to go here. I remembered really about to go to adelaide, australian national U, UQ, but something led me to go to uwa. not too sure what it is, but I'm really happy that I went there. Times can be hard overseas, especially not really knowing to to cook, somewhat trying to cook, crashing into periods where nothing really seems to matter, but as long I'm doing stuff that I love, that's really all that matters. The thought that physics and maths no longer feature in my dictionary, imagine the relief. haha. I know this sounds pretty insignificant, but as I stop to think what I really remembered about semester 1, the first thing that shot to my mind was when jeremy and me were leaving harbour town in his car, and the parking ticket payment machine screwed up. Then he tried to find his way to some assistance booth, but we then drove our way into a one-way road with the exit gantry right in front of us. and there was no way of making a U-turn back. so here we have the parking ticket not paid, and the gantry in front of us. Approached the gantry, and he pressed the "help" button, and the gantry opened after jeremy said sth like "i'm having problems with the ticket". haha. i.e in the end, we didn't pay any parking fee. It's funny how I really remember all the funny little things the most, but I guess that's the way a lot of ppl think too. Remembered the coke explosion in my place, and how the whole kitchen was coke-washed with coke and melted ice. hmm. melted ice, is there such a thing? perth also made me realise how important god is in our lives. whether it is allah, jesus or buddha, i think what's really important is that we have faith in our lives. sometimes the going is so hard that we just have to believe that things will be ok in the end. it'd all be ok, you'll see.
like i mentioned so many times to ppl, being overseas makes you really appreciative of being alone. I used to dread being alone, in all aspects of the word. But I don't know how many times I've been walking alone through the city with a coke in my hand. just being very self-indulgent and blissful =)
3. family and friends. as for family, things have been pretty smooth sailing until the last end of the year. but I guess, things are definitely getting better. of course, the healing process may be tough, eternal demons will always reappear, but at the end of the day, we'll all come out stronger. hopefully. friends... what can I say? This year has been a really good year as far as friendships as concerned. In 2003, I knew there were friends that really mattered to me. But I always took for granted they were just there, although "there" could be a bit far, e.g. on the other side of s'pore. But now, "there" is 4000km away. I guess because of that, most friendships actually strengthened in 2004 despite me not physically in singapore. i think i'm talking abt mabz here. read your card yesterday, and yes, no it wasn't wasted. It left a mark of course, whether the mark was a dimple or a pimple, ... I don't know. I guess sometimes one has to take a chance, otherwise one never knows =) New friends also counted for a lot in 2004... I can think of my colleagues at ISJ, the new ppl I met at uwa, esp. the OCF ppl, samuel, joseph, william, jason, jeremy, noorshidah. Think I can foresee jeremy to be a really great friend in time to come.. 3 out of 4 same units in both semester 1 and 2 this year.
and of course, there's daryl, jianwei and valerie. pity that I didn't really had a lot of opportunities to meet up with d in 2004, and that it was quite hard to reach u on ur phone also. heh. but of course, we're all still really good friends, and that's really all that matters. if 2004 had one more day left, i'd use it to meet up with valerie. aww. that was really the "uncompleted task" of 2004 haha. u'll be the first person i meet in 05. and there's also jeremy and justina.. yet to meet up.
tj classmates.. xueying. melissa. boon kiat. marc. chun han. i think i "suddenly" got to know mel better last year too, after that chance meeting at marche just 2 days before i left for perth. eh cram, u leaving on the 3 jan not? haven't heard much news about that =)
i'm sure i forgot some people... but i think you should know who you are =)
so, 2005.. like I said, promises to be brighter than 2004. dad thinks it's gonna be a bleak year cos there'll be severe restrictions on the supply of oil, T4 less oil to sell = less profits.
hoping to get all HDs for all my units this year. Looking at the first semester's results, it is certainly not unachievable to get all HDs. hoping to travel to the east also, as in sydney, melbourne. if the currency situation allows, I wish I can make another trip to europe or the states. If the ringgit is not pegged to the USD at 1997 levels, this is certainly a good time to visit USA. this seems like an eternal wish every year, but i wish i get to know my friends better. and of course my family, pray especially for good health for all.
But I guess at the end of the day and esp. in the light of the current situation, I'm just happy to be alive. =)