Hey. I seem to be having problems with my blog.. why on the hell are all these unwanted links on my blog?.. and how come the last column is missing? (the one where I wrote down my name, DOB, blah blah).. Feel like fixing it.. but I'm too busy. busy with thinking. forever thinking..
Tmrw's a new week. quite a crucial week too. I will receive the converted letter from Mr Pheby (the principal) tmrw, which might help.. although the relevant "authorities" say it won't help much.. sth's really better than nothing now.
I've changed my blog addy already.. because I feel, I really have to talk about this without having too many people know about this. (Although I know it'd spread in the end, it's better to hold out at the moment)
So i've been rejected. or u may want to call it "denied entry" (that was what was written on the NUS website). Of cos I'm disappointed. pretty angry as well too. but i'm not as devastated compared to how I was after the release of the A level results.
These are the steps I've taken:
1) I've written, re-written, re-edited my letter of appeal. I've changed sentences in the hope that they breathe life into the appeal. I've tried my utmost best to make it sound like an appeal for FASS, not an appeal for NIE.
2) I've called my CT to ask for help.. but it seems like he's quite helpless. So I've looked for Mr Bala.. who said he'll help out with the referral letter from tjc. I'm gonna bug him again tmrw..
3) I've asked Ms Harris (my colleague) and Mr Pheby (the principal) to write me letter of referrals too.. I want to show that "look, even though I'm paid peanuts for my current job, that I'm technically a volunteer, I enjoy my job.. I'm happier than those who make $1000 per month but dun like what they are doing. I stand for what I believe for."
4) I've been to NUS yesterday with my dad... to beg/appeal/harangue/irritate people. And the worst feeling is to see girls at the registrar's office paying $500. So what if I have $500, $5000, $5 million now?
But look at the odds stacked up against me.
1) NUS said "if u want to appeal to satisfy your own conscience, do go ahead. the chances are very slim. Letters of referrals don't help much too, cos we are not looking for work experience. say, did u represent your country? that might help."
2) Mr Bala confirmed that. "cheowlit, they are not lying to you. i can help u write a referral letter, but it's gonna be an uphill task."
3) The manager at office of admissions parroted the same thing to my dad. "You see, we're wondering why your son can slip from an A1A2 for Maths at O level into an E for A level.. i think people with CCD are appealing too. Very uphill task."
If you ask me what my chances are, I'll put it at 1%. so slim. everyday, i ask that the lord create a miracle, that by some weird twist of fate, I fall into the 1%.. Every moment, every second, I think so hard how I can change the course of fate.
There are times when I wake up.. and think that i'm still in JC2. Then i stop. hey, no, I'm a rejected case.. you're not in tjc anymore.
Don't ask me what is the backup plan. I'm not even sure myself. I do know I'd have lots of time to think of one if things don't work out.
If i've been terribly unreasonable and violent these days, I ask for your understanding. Of late, pens have become darts at no one in particular. Hope I dun start throwing vases around too.
I'm am pretty at the abyss of life right now.. all i just ask is for a chance, an opening.