26.4.04 - Sometimes, I'm quite embarrassed to have a mum like my mum. I know as children, we're supposed to show respect to our parents no matter what... but it's at times like this I look at my mum and wonder, "hey i don't think god approves of what u're doing. and that i don't have to read the bible to know what you're doing is quite distasteful (and hey, distasteful is a very polite word here already)." And interestingly enough, the issues always revolve around two things:-
a) her attitude towards my grandmother (dad's mum) - like obviously, as children we tend to be mean towards our parents at times.. but it's always a case of "look. i'm having a bad day. don't nag", as in, i can be mean towards my parents as a result of sth else. but the words my mum uses towards my ah ma, it doesn't take a fool to see that the words are full of hatred, spitefulness and every nasty thing you can find in a witch's brew. i really cringe everytime i hear my dad and mum argue over my grandmother. look. she's already 80. can't we all just give her a better life during her last stage of life? like my mum doesn't even allow her to step into our house. she goes and help old ppl at old folks home but doesn't give a hoot and even insults my ah ma? very upset here.
b) the maid. Tini has been working for us for like 2 years already.. and as far as I'm concerned, she's doing a good job looking after our family. grandmother included (though it's against the law to work for ah ma cos' she stays in another place)... and my mum has to keep bullying her until she cries. I'm like wondering, "if she had her way, do you think she wants to work for us? Unlike us, she doesn't have a choice. Poverty and hardship has driven her here. So what if we can afford to pay her? We pay for her services as a household maid. WE'RE NOT BUYING A SLAVE HERE k. She wakes up earlier than anyone of us, goes to sleep later than all of us..."
I've given up arguing with my mum over the above two things already. cos everytime i try to talk sense, she'll just shoot back "hey u hate peter (that simei "uncle") to the core too k. so u're not in a position to tell me that" - yah true. i can't deny that fact. but this is your mum-in-law we're talking about here u know. like totally disgusted with myself. why am i pouring out all these family problems out in the open? Or am i too idealistic? Cos i've got zero-tolerance for fair-weather people. but look at all the vermin in the world around us... it's like as if they've become part of our lives. so do i go "oh c'est la vie" or "yes i can change the world?"... i choose the latter.